Oh where have you gone, Mike Sims-Walker? A nation of fantasy owners turns its angry eyes to you.

I managed a feat that few fantasy owners have achieved Sunday: From my four starting wide receivers (two in each of my two leagues), I got a total of 0.05 points. The main culprit for this display of futility was Mike Sims-Walker, whom I picked up as a free agent after his quiet but terrific start to the season. I plugged him into both of my teams’ starting lineups this week, and he promptly gets declared inactive for breaking team rules involving the team’s travel itinerary. Of course, the guys who actually played didn’t do much either: Derrick Mason was held without a catch, and DeSean Jackson managed a whopping 1 yard to keep my wide receiving corps from getting shut out this week. I did leave a few points on the bench, but not much as almost all of my regular starting wideouts were on their bye weeks.

Given that, it’s kind of amazing that I’m actually already assured of one win this week and might be able to pull out another if Yeremiah Bell has a big night tonight (not holding my breath). What really stinks about wide receivers’ performance (aside from said performance itself) is that I’m only down by about 5.5 points in the second league, and I would likely be assured of a win even if my wideouts just had your regular run-of-the-mill subpar outings instead of the spectacular FAIL this week.

Week 5 Highs and Lows

• You just have to wonder how well-entrenched Brady Quinn is in the Browns’ doghouse or whether Derek Anderson has pictures on Coach Eric Mangini. Anderson went 2-of-17 passing Sunday — 2-of-17!!! — and yet did not yanked.
• Just to add insult to injury over the matter of my wide receiver woes, the week I cut loose Nate Burleson is the week he goes for 98 yards and 2 TDs. Of course, that means it’s time to bench him, as he has alternated between good and bad weeks all season.

Next up: We dissect Cedric Benson’s surprise performance against the Ravens and its impact on marital bliss.
• When my wife was setting her lineup Sunday, I told her, “Bench Cedric Benson. He’s not going to do anything against the Ravens.” Well, 120 yards and a TD later, I’ve got some making up to do. But at least she’s already assured of an easy victory and on her way to 4-1 and being alone atop the league (in her first fantasy football season, with absolutely no prior knowledge of football).
• I wonder how many “Austin Power” headlines there were Sunday (as a former newspaper copy editor who has made his fair share of transgressions on that front, I’m hoping none). Of course there was the huge performance by the Cowboys’ Mike Austin (10 catches, 250 yards, 2 TDs), but don’t forget about the Colts’ Austin Collie (97 yards, 2 TDs), whose numbers have improved each of the last three weeks.
• Brett Favre have worked wonders for the Vikings offense, but not for Adrian Peterson owners (like myself). Since his 180-yard explosion in Week 1, AP has been more or less ordinary. He hasn’t cracked 100 yards in a game since, though he has scored in every week but one.